Community House

What does it mean to be a family? I know, for those of you who know me well, you groan…yes, I’m on this topic again. But it is an obsession…so, we drive on…

What does it mean to be a family? (Dad, don't freak out, I haven't seceded from the King family, just thinking a little bigger). Since I’ve been working in hospital ministry these last few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time doing family oriented trainings. Yesterday, I did one on the “7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.” Now, I’m not sure ANY family is shooting for “Highly Effective”…I think most would just be satisfied with “Maximally Functional For Where We Are In Life.” Yet workshops abound (I didn’t even realize…) and I’m beginning to catch some repeating themes: read the book “The 5 Love Languages” (so the suspense doesn’t kill you, they are: physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of encouragement, and gift giving); have a plan or vision or mission for the family to focus on, be open to change and input from each member of the family, always be working on improving communication and good will amongst family members. Ok. How is this different from the Christian community working together the way Christ intended? This is a very old question for me, but one I’ve felt is perhaps not valid to ask until recently… so now I’m asking and I REALLY do want ALL your feedback – the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm tired of having this roll around in my brain - I'm willing to let y'all in a bit, so here goes:

I am 33 years old and single. There have been moments of deep discontent with my singleness, but I find they are usually when I am under an inordinate amount of stress and when the stressors pass, my craving to be married tends to go with it - not to say I'm not still open, but the urgency passes. This is forcing me to ask several questions: am I created to be single (now, do not read: without family, read: without spouse) for life? And what does it look like for me to have meaningful family as a adult? Most people have a biological drive to have children and thus, create their family. For whatever reasons, I do not seem to have this drive. However, this does not mean I do not want to have a family – I find that I very often want to gather other singles together and create a family in this sort of community (or perhaps adopt children some day). And I have thought this for a very long time. If I am to be single, does that naturally follow that I am to be without close family ties? I don’t think so, at least, I don’t read scripture that way… And I am finding there are others out there who want the same or similar things as singles and even as married couples…

In the last few months I have been thinking more and more seriously about creating something I think of as Community House (CH) (working title only, please don’t spear me over the cheesy title) – A place where three to five folks (married and/or singles) live together in intentional community, working in the home as a family – we have a common mission (here it’s still fuzzy for me what that could be), common commitments to Jesus and each other and our community at large. I envision a once a week dinner/bible study together where we can pray and touch base with each other (each member taking responsibility to led alternately). Now there are two tough parts to this for me: one – what’s the mission? And two – how do I do this as a member of the Army? (second one being harder to reconcile).

The mission thing, I think of two roads – one, we prayerfully choose a mission together and aim our lives and resources to it; I’m not sure this would be terribly feasible for most members of the community, as I assume they will all be well along in their careers. Two – we all do our careers, but use home as a touchstone to keep us grounded in Christian community (like a, oh say, FAMILY) and as a resource to love the hurting and lost people we come into contact with in our day-to-day lives. The problem I see here is perhaps feeling like we’d be starting a church or somehow conflicting with the community and ministry of the churches we’re involved in …humm…

The other problem, for me anyway, is how do I do this as a highly mobile member of the Army? And just in general, how do I keep a sense of community and family as I move every few years? Is this idea meant to be transportable? Am I supposed to establish these communities wherever I land? That feels schizophrenic to me…and not very ‘familyesque.’ I have no solution to this one. Though this will not be forever, it will be for the next few years...Thoughts?

As a parting note – the picture here is of a collage I did during that workshop yesterday. I'm not really a 'collage-type girl,' but I found I was very enthusiastic about this (which also inspired me to get off my duff about talking about these ideas). It is everything (well, mostly anyway) that I would like CH to be, represent and do. At one time, the things on this card were things I needed to receive, now they feel more like things I want to give; not to say I’m ‘fine’ or ‘done,’ just to say I’ve received so much of this my heart overflows.

So, I feel very vulnerable putting this out here, so do be gentle with me, but do be honest – is this something I should shoot for? Is it something good? Or is it a twisted idea from an adult who refuses to ‘grow up?’ Feel free to ask whatever you need to clarify any points. Thanks y’all, and as always, keep me posted on prayer requests and updates from your lives. – love, Ter