Hey Team – just thought I’d put out an update. I’m currently in TX at an Army Hospital doing a summer practicum with the Army. I will be doing something called CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) in the fall, hopefully in a hospital setting, so this is GREAT preparation for me! Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement this past semester – it has meant the world to me. As far as I can tell, I did well in all my classes – so it looks like there’s only one more full year of Seminary! I survived Greek and Hebrew!! I’ve put off writing because so much has happened…where does one start? Well, I thought I’d give you a page from my recent journaling for your prayers and consideration…
25 May 2007
It’s been a better day, still emotionally exhausting (too much information too fast), but I’m starting to feel like I am beginning to understand more of the conversations here and am beginning to participate in more meaningful ways. I’ve wanted to get out to do patient visits the last two days, but other stuff keeps coming up, and then the day’s over. It’s frustrating because I can’t tell if I’m just hiding because it still makes me a little nervous to get started (I think I’m better once I get going) or if it’s just that there’s more stuff I’m trying to get a grip on and I don’t know when or if they’ll be offered again so I’m trying to capitalize on what’s in front of me. Some of both, I’m sure.
I participated in a Mass Casualty exercise this morning. It was sort of fun because the mood was fairly light (soldiers who were playing the injured were in great moods), but still somewhat stressful as I was trying to take it fairly seriously and learn (VERY quickly) what I should and should not be doing as a chaplain in such an event. CH Cotton was great to follow around today; he’s very patent with me.
I feel like I’m learning volumes about myself and this job – here’s my list so far:
When I am in culture shock and am not working with a team of people I know, I:
- Am mercilessly perfectionistic with myself
- Need to talk/connect with friends like mad (try desperately to re-establish security in at least one area/space in my life)
- Find it difficult to process large volumes of information, because I’m spending so much energy trying to not look like an idiot and connect with the person I’m talking to
- Get frustrated easily (feel very impatient and get angry quickly, though I usually do not express it outwardly)
- Feel overwhelmed, adding to all of the above
Things I’m learning about this job:
- It’s like many other jobs; there are people, tasks and systems – sometimes people loaf around and it fouls up others, sometimes people are apathetic about their work and sometimes they love their jobs and do it with enthusiasm; in or out of uniform, Americans are still Americans.
- In a Mass Casualty situation, keep asking people: where patients are being moved to (this can change frequently – keep paper so you can track what floors everyone ends up on); and how people are doing (staff and patients)
- When doing patient visits: ask what their religious background is and if they have people visiting them (offer to liaison with their religious group as necessary)
- This office is very laid back – I do not feel micro-managed; the chaplains here are very willing to help me grow and will stop what they’re doing almost immediately to mentor me (wow!)
- Marriage retreats are interesting to attend as a single person – I think maybe I’ll ‘provide’ for these rather than perform as long as I am single!
One thing did disturb me today at the MasCas. There was a ‘casualty’ who was dying and unconscious – I was available and called to pray over him and no one knew his name. There was nothing identifying him – no Army ID tags, nothing on his paper tag. I prayed for him as a Christian, but it felt so inadequate. Was there something else I should have done? In real life, I think this would have deeply disturbed me – I think I would have worked the hospital system a lot to try and get a name on him. No one should die without their name being spoken over them. It just seemed so sad.
As for the rest of it – the fake burn injuries, cuts, abrasions, disfiguring breaks, puncture wounds with debris sticking out of them…well, I think those images would bother me too, but I don’t know – I felt like I could handle being there. A lot of it could have been just that it was such a relatively ‘easy’ atmosphere. In any case, I do think I got a sense of what a chaplain does today. We pray, comfort, reassure and connect people. What a fascinating job…
